Smells Like Teen Spirit

According to McMillon, it works like gangbusters.

"Al and Mr. Foster really helped me learn music," the Gloryhounds guitarist says. "Taking lessons [before], sure, I got all of the stuff I needed to play guitar. And when I went into the class, I knew my stuff, but I didn't know how to use it. I knew stuff, but it was useless, because I couldn't show it off. They taught us how to play. That's really just as important as knowing what you're doing."

"Our basic idea is to take information and teach kids how to apply it," explains Hayes. "For example, I can tell you about a scale, and you can say 'Okay,' but if you don't understand the scale, then it's no good. Other places teach what a scale is, but they don't teach them what to do with it. That's what we strive for."

Thirteen kids, in either the seventh or eighth grade, constitute this year's Stage Band class. Throughout this "practice," they're substituted in and out like players on a basketball team. A group of five or six plays together, while another one or two fuss with the soundboard. The others sit to the side, silently strumming along, rehearsing their lyrics or debating whether a saxophone player is a saxist, saxophonist or saxophoner.

Stage Band is kinda like Fight Club. Eventually, all the students are required to perform, and must be passing to do so, but low grades aren't typically an issue. The vast majority of Stage Band students, past and present, laugh in the face of rocker stereotypes and are found extremely high up in Pin Oak's GPA rankings.

That might be because of the potential of receiving an Al Hayes powerbomb, but it's more likely because the kids feel highly invested in their school and, as a result, their grades. This seems to be Foster's proudest accomplishment.

"[Stage Band] gets a different kind of kid's attention," says Foster, with a clear sense of accomplishment. "Someone who might not get involved with choir or another school function feels comfortable in here. Now he's in Stage Band and loves it, but he's gotta pass math to play."

With this one massive thing — rock and roll — in common, you'd expect the students to show a certain degree of camaraderie. But despite the relatively small sample size, the way Stage Band's students reflect the social hierarchy of middle-school life is startling. Let's meet some of them:

Jimmy Gomez, the wildly talented guitarist whose bent is only matched by the neatness of his hair and the crispness of his polo shirt. He's The Clean Cut One.

Joaquin Buitrago, the athletic and soft-spoken football player with the perfect smile and mysterious eyes. He wears blue and white wristbands on his forearm, ostensibly to show school spirit, but really just to show you that he's cool enough to wear wristbands on his forearms without looking silly. He's The Heartthrob, because heartthrobs are always named Joaquin.

Alana Tristan and Seth Uzman, who come in, set up, play and leave. That's it. They seem to always be prepared, quick to learn and keen to try. They don't say much, but when you can play the keyboard and saxophone like they can, you really don't have to. They're The Quiet Ones, also referred to as The Potentially Great At Something Ones.

Pierce Frazier, the quirky little guy who makes friends without trying because he does things like admitting to literally getting dressed in the dark, then giving his outfit a grade once he gets to school. He's The Funny One.

Laura Jimenez, Milka Garza and Brooke Sharretts, the gaggle of "introspective" girls who collectively laugh at each other's inside jokes in a way that says, "We're hip and you're not." This clique seems to have formed out of necessity — there are but four girls in the class — so they lack a purposefully ironic name like the MySpace Mafia or the Wolfpack. They'll all hate Joaquin when he inevitably breaks one of their hearts in high school.

Theodore "Ted" Springborne, who looks born to co-star on a Disney Channel sitcom as The Awkward One. He sports denim shorts that stop above the kneecap, bushy blond hair and oversized feet, which is why he plays The Surprising One so perfectly. His role is unclear until he opens his mouth to sing and reveals a gruff alto that resembles a preteen version of Nirvana's Kurt Cobain. It turns out he also plays running back for Pin Oak's football team like a full-grown Marion Barber.

The students continue to rotate in and out, with Hayes or Foster periodically stopping them to correct a mistake or chide them for "not playing together." So goes the rest of class. Shortly before the end, Frazier wanders over and explains why he started playing guitar — and why Stage Band is a No. 1 hit with its students.

"Every kid wants to be a rock star," he says, not being The Funny One at all now. "I was so excited when I found out about this class at Open House, I asked every teacher about it.

"It's been so great," Frazier adds. "It gives me the opportunity to really learn music. I take it seriously now, and I think my parents know. I think it makes my parents proud of me."